In some ways I had a great day Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday morning. Good time with family, lots accomplished this week, found some good things in my files as I was cleaning up. And a great workday at church on Saturday.
We got a slight blow on Friday in the area of family, but while sad, not really unexpected so we keep going.
Then, suddenly Sunday after church it all turned in the matter of a few minutes. I don’t know how it happens or how to prepare better for it. Emotions are positive, life is good. Then the tears are threatening to come flowing out and things get frustrating. Then, the anger comes. I really hate the anger which looks like tears and frustration to everyone else.
Yet, while Sunday was not a good day is so many ways, we did have a great time sharing and laughing with some friends for dinner. Such a mixed bag!
I woke up to a holiday to find the mood wasn’t really any better. Probably physical exercise would help, but the humidity just did me in and I couldn’t coax myself out the door. The day was still a good day, quiet and peaceful and I finished 3 books I had in progress and shopped and did a little cleaning.
But still battling the mood and turmoil so I went seeking some relief. I picked up a book I bought last month called Spiritual Depression: Its Causes and Cure by Dr. Martyn Lloyd-Jones. Chapter 1 is laying the foundation and he starts with Scripture from the Psalms.
Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why are thou disquieted in me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise Him for the help of His countenance. Psalm 42:5
Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise Him, who is the health of my countenance and my God. Psalm 42:11
After discussing some description of and causes of spiritual depression. He references Psalm 42:3 “My tears have been my food day and night” which describes one of my struggles this weekend. For causes he mentions introversion left uncontrolled until it becomes morbid, physical conditions, a reaction after spiritual blessing, the devil. He ends saying the ultimate cause of spiritual depression is unbelief.
Then we get to the section I saw quoted in the blog entry that enticed me to buy the book. He points out that the psalmist resolves his issue by talking to himself, and we must do the same.
I say that we must talk to ourselves instead of allowing ‘ourselves’ to talk to us! Do you realize what that mean? I suggest that the main trouble in this whole matter of spiritual depression in a sense is this, that we allow our self to talk to us instead of talking to our self. (p20)
He follows that with this line:
Have you realized that most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that you are listening to yourself instead of talking to yourself? (p20)
He points out that the psalmist stands up and talks to himself – “I shall yet praise Him for the help of His countenance, who is also the health of my countenance and my God”.
Do not listen to her; turn on her; speak to her; condemn her; upbraid her; exhort her; encourage her; remind her of what you know, instead of listening placidly to her and allowing her to drag you down and depress you. For this is what she will always do if you allow her to be in control. (p21) [modified to put 'her' in place of 'him']
I have attempted to do this today, and will continue to sing His praises!