Night before last I had a wild dream (not that uncommon for me).

Monday was a very stressful day at work, and I worked straight from 9am to 10:30 pm so it took me awhile to decompress and get to sleep. Then, early in the morning I had some dream where I was part of a really really long table in a huge room like a cathedral. We were part of some service and I had to ring some bells and read some lesson.

Except that the bells were shaped really weird and I had about 8 of them, some really long and others really small, none that looked like any handbells I’ve used, more like flutes you shake . Plus I had some reed instrument. And I had never played them before so I was going to be totally sight-reading this. I was given my bells so I laid them out in order and then we left them to go to a back area and sit until our turn to perform. Then I had this great idea that I should get a photo of this set up, so I slipped back down the side to get my photo with my phone. Only first I picked up the wrong phone and the power button just kept giving me a screen of a Christmas tree or something.  Anyway, I get in place to take my photo and there are some tourists (Japanese, not sure why) in my way. I get a few fuzzy photos and one photo of nothing at all since I tripped. Then the tourists start touching the bells and by time they finish all my bells are in a pile.

Next I start worrying about this little lesson I’m supposed to read. I haven’t been given anything to read. Someone tells me I will be able to just wing it, but I don’t even know what verse or topic or anything. Then I notice they are putting huge books (I mean 2 feet by 3 feet by 1 foot deep) on the tables so maybe one of them has what I need. But I don’t have the program/bulletin showing my lesson details so I don’t know which big book to look in.

It was all rather stressful but I was actually being pretty calm about it all. Just aware that I had some concerns.

I was happy to wake up. Not sure what it all means but if it was reflecting my stress and concern about issues at work, then I think I’d rather be playing those bells and making up that lesson

This morning I dreamed I was with Anthony in some different house with curtains that raised and through the bottom part of our windows we could see a horse walk by and then a few other people and Anthony kept asking why Spencer was out there. (That part didn’t make any more sense in the dream than it does here.)

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I’m reading Respectable Sins by Jerry Bridges and found this quote by John Newton:

…if every event, great and small, is under the direction of his providence and purpose; and if he has a wise, holy, and gracious end in view, to which everything that happens is subordinate and subservient; – then we have nothing to do, but with patience and humility to follow as he leads, and cheerfully to expect a happy issue…

It’s actually part of a much longer quote from a letter he wrote. It’s all just as convicting and encouraging as that snippet shows.

Scenario one – get all worked up to make the call, think through what I want to say and what they might say. Person answers and I spend the whole call trying not to take too much of their time and then wondering if it sounded more like I just didn’t want to be on the phone with them.

Scenario two – get all worked up, and then have to leave a message. Which means they will (hopefully) call me back and I will likely not be at all ready for the conversation so I’ll self-obsess while I stumble through it.  Or they won’t call me back and I’ll stress over how long to wait before I call them again.

I much prefer email – I know they can read it and reply on their time, and then I can read and follow up on my time.

Sure, we’re losing some connection by not being willing to pick up the phone, but everyone is so busy all the time that it always feels like an imposition. There are very few people I feel comfortable just relaxing and chatting away with on the phone.

But, I made my 2 calls today and I made 1 last week. Of those 3, 2 got converted into an email conversation, 1 will call me back (I have to stay ready